Fallen Fatspider;

Days so far;

Depress and disgusted with life, a web of solid foundation build on strngth and resolution just came fallen down in utter dissolution. There's how my life was so far tiz last couple of weeks.

To start off, I am working part time at R's place, the work seem more difficult than before so that makes it more harder to earn a decent salary. I am like just demoralizes over the sacking of my 1 week full time drawing job. I was practically dragging my paces thru R's job until he got fed up and gave me a hard tick off, I then realizes I have to speed up and try to earn more as I still got bills to pay and daily meals to substain. A lot of my frens tell me move on and dun think lah but it still hurts today. I rather all that never happen and I just go about finding a part time and stuff, the fire in the fighting spirit really got zap away to oblivion. It was hard to recover I truly admit.

I was already in a deep state of depression when I start work again. I also found out the hard way about not being paid for my tele-marketing job. (The company really just pack up and go). Even though I am own only $170, I really need all the help I can get, F**k It....I also seem to have a bad constipation problem lately and that led to some blood in my stool. I remember Heng (mp3 biz) also have the same problem before, he told me if I let it alone eventually yu will need to piles and more complications. This really scare me and I immediately take a lot of banana and orange juice, lucky for me no more problems surfaced any more. So I was really going thru money/health/work worries and even my soccer chart updates suffer. I have to play catch up for most of the nites and resulting in me being tired for most of the time. Coupled with a very loose front teeth that pains when it rocks in it's pocket but no money to extract (also consider my image aspect in finding work). Naturally it affected the job and R was right in letting me have it. But maybe I should try explaining it to him..... but really I need the job for the moment!

There also seem to be a lot of bad news among my present information circle. I personally feel all the crap in the newspaper about economy is up and up and unemployment down... Bullshit! Look at all the sucidal news lately? People selling their kidney/babies over the net....People jumping onto MRT tracks (at least its worth it for him, all that donations , bless his soul). People getting robbed at gunpoint (Malaysia) and fraud cover up etc. It makes yu want to end your life too, but I'am too weak to even cut myself in the mirror. So if I have a gun, I may just pull the trigger, yeah and hopefully god with take me by its place. RIP~

My frens also had it pretty tough too. I can name at least 3 who shared the same sufferings that I concurred. The rejection by a cold society that tunes in to profit, F**K the resources. It was all in the same period that's why make the situation more prominent.

First was a guy (call him Ri) I met at Ah Han's comic shop, he had a medical condition due to a stroke attack (I can't be sure really) . But he recovered enough to walk but lets just say with a swagger but he's definately fit for work. However he has been taken advantage of and dispiced by his boss at work until he couldn't take it anymore. I guess he's a bit of a hothead and I really do admired his guts for sticking up for himself. I would have just shallowed everything as with R, but my financial do pale in comparison to the lowest lifeform. Naturally, he went for a few interviews and all ask him to wait for news ( we all heard that one before) but the croaching tiger still have some fiesty in him and that demands respect!

Second was Wanker (cover up name). He pull his weights in the copyrighting industry and earns the most among the losers I know (haha just a joke). However, age is catching up with him and lately his company embark on a decision not to further his contract. Naturally the poor man was devastated and just laden himself with the high life to paralyse his soul. He some how manage to squarder all his money and seem resign to jump on any job in the near future as he has a lot of debt to clear. However, I feel he need to find that burning flame first that seems lost in the darkness. Another worrying sign I find was a strong tendacy for self destruction. It is already bad not to look at yourself everyday in the mirror. I dun want to feel a sudden urge to slit my own throat each time I peek but to look at your buddies turn into a spiltting image of my doopledangle really dampens my spirit. This Hidden Dragon really seems to hide from reality for the moment. But, if he find his flame he will fly and spit fire... Fight man fight! He will always remain a good fren as I remember he slip me $20 to eat when R has no job for me.

Last was another character I met at Ah Han shop call him Sky. He models himself over some gangster flick show that has a lot of brothers under him. In truth, he's all alone in his little world and live on all the helpings Ah Han, and some of the customer would give him. He's been to jail before for minor stuff like sell VCD and peeping and I guess, the cold society just sort of custrate off (like skin of a penis), lesser human being like him. There's something seriously wrong with the Yellow Ribbon Project. It is not reaching out to everyone it seems. He did work at my former internet cafe for 1.5 weeks and naturally my fat boss take it as a opportunity to take advantage to the fullest. 12 hours for $20 but he get to eat and stay there, so our fren did work but naturally throw tandrums at every possible way. Finally, my former boss took in a replacement that's willing to do the shift (poor soul) and sack Sky. So, after that he's been like working on and off on cleaner odd jobs and finally some Christian societies help him pay for his first month of rent in a run down shack. But beggers can't complain. I can only offer some peanuts and puff for him but that's as much as I can do (shittin myself dirty too). I did do a tailsman for him (yeah, dun ask me why I know) and it was supposed to give him good dreams but it ends up scaring him as he has a encounter with a entity. He ask me for help again but my spiritual level is really not there yet. I suggest he go back to the fat boss (medium) to ask for forgiveness and help but he's pride gets in the way. However, he do get a bit agressive trying to bend people to heed his needs and I just hope he change on that aspect. We all chip in to help but we dun own him. He blames the whole world for his plight and demands all for assistance but sometimes he has to help himself first. I would put him as The Hero, it takes special skills to survive a quest that long, be it begging or lacking in social grace.

On a good note my mp3 fren Ah Heng seems to pick up his biz, he's flying to ShangHai to find more source for his products. He seems to be enjoying the limelight as he opens another shop in Jurong Point. There's gonna be another shop opening in 1-2 months in Pearl Centre and I just hope he has some plans for me. Lately did try to phone him for help but all my calls end up zipped, it seems if a person is flyin they dun see too clearly what's crawling at ground level.

On a lighter note, did watch the movie 'Death Note' and it was awesome (damn good). I dun really know the movie stars but I follow the menga. I thought the menga was a bit draggin but the show was a different thing. It was in truth very mind stimulating (the menga was like that too but just draggi) and the acting and special effect top notch. The story has been altered slightly but it was tastefully done. I especially like the oddball detective L . Light and MisaMisa was mediocare but they are still the main characters. A special mention has to go out to the FBI lady agent (Reye, i think), the actress put in a outstanding performance in support. Her storyline was altered to give her more meat and she really nails it. Can't wait for the sequeal in Jan 07. Death God Ryuk give yu his belated halloween greetings.......
In death we find peace, In life we all grieve......

Ok getting light and have to get some sleep as got to work tomorrow, I hope Chelsea ko Aston Villa tonite. Lampard just scores and I am hoping for 2 to 3 goal total for my appertizer bet. See yu all in the future and I promised to blog more often ..... just let me slide out tiz period first.